The
Buddha's tour dates have been canceled,
and
ticket-holders have been refunded their money.
Sometimes
the Buddha doesn't have much to say.
Often,
he plays life close to the vest,
sitting
serenely like a potato
trying
to figure out its tuberous karma.
The Katmandu
Gazette reports
that
he hasn't opened his eyes in several days,
and his roadies have dismantled
the
Bodhi tree and the pagoda.
The
tour hasn't been rescheduled,
and
some say the cancelation
is
because the Buddha is consulting
a
gastroenterologist in Buffalo.
This
is only speculation, of course,
and
sources close to the Buddha
have
emphatically denied that his chakras are blocked.
Rolling Stone has
written that the Buddha
recently suffered
a nervous breakdown
after
learning he'd fathered a love child.
The
truth remains elusive,
which
is what you'd expect in such a situation.
Personally, I don't have a dog in the fight.
If
truth is subjective,
and
reality is butterscotch and maya—
that
I must transmigrate to learn I was never here—
the
tour was over a long time ago.
We
could just as well go to tent revivals
or stare
at kumquats rotting on a tree.
~William Hammett
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